and you give me all of you (lolly)

"and you give me all of you"

i'm in front of the mirror, again. seven months pregnant. fat as a pig. eating like a pig. but i feel her inside of me and it makes me so happy. i never thought this day would happen. it's ten in the morning, lloyd is taking me for brunch. he's been so patient with me over these last months. i was a real bratt sometimes and he still supported me. when the door bell ring, i open the door. i look at him, pitty. "don't look at me, i look miserable." he enters, give me a kiss on the cheek. "so, where are you taking me today? i could eat for five."

"and you give me all of you"

i look at my phone. thank god, i'm not late. i overslept this morning, so i had to run for everything. at least i wasn't working today. no, i called sick yesterday. for a good reason. a really good one. i'm taking polly in a nice restaurant for brunch. it's no big deal, we see each other almost everyday. but this time, it's not at her or mine apartment. i'm taking her out. as a date? i guess so. we haven't talked about it yet, cause we want to take it slow, but i feel like we're ready for another step. plus, the baby is due in two months. "don't look at me, i look miserable." she says when i open the door.   "what are you talking about? you're always pretty, no matter what." "so, where are you taking me? i could eat for five." i laugh : "it's a surprise, i'm sure you'll be fine. but are you sure there's only one baby in there? cause if the doctor made a mistake and we have triplets..."

"and you give me all of you"

actually, i feel ugly just because i have a belly. but, knowing that there's this little girl inside of me, it just makes me so happy. when i woke up this morning, i was so nervous. i called mel, my best friend, telling her i don't know what to wear. i didn't want to look like a pig. she told me to shut up, to get over myself. be confident. and i took a bath, i put some make up and i guess it helped a little. "what are you talking about? you're always pretty, no matter what." he said, when seeing me. then again, i started blushing as hell. he then add : "it's a surprise, i'm sure you'll be fine. but are you sure there's only one baby in there? cause if the doctor made a mistake and we have triplets..." i know he's kidding, well i hope so. "no worry, it's just her. okay, so are we going or? i'm starving."

"and you give me all of you"

i can't help it, i say stupid things around her. not that i'm normally bright or anything, but i'm not stupid. except when i'm around her. i made a little joke, and she laughed. thank god. "no worry, it's just her. okay, so are we going or? i'm starving." she says. "ok, good. well hum yeah follow me! i finally repaired the car, so we won't have to take the bus this time." i say as we leave the apartment. we enter in my little volvo, this old car i have since 5 years. i won't get rid of her. even if it's not new, it is mine. "i still have your madonna cd." i say, while i start the car.

"and you give me all of you"

even if we didn't call this a date, i feel like i'm on a date. we see each other almost everyday, but we usually stay home, watch movies, eat food and that's it. he came with me at the doctor, but it wasn't a date. today, it feels like it. he's taking me out. on a restaurant. that's romantic, isn't it? he knows i can't go to the movies cause i have to pee every five minutes (that's why we watch netflix, so i can pause when i want to) "ok, good. well hum yeah follow me! i finally repaired the car, so we won't have to take the bus this time." he says and i follow him. the last time he took his car, three months ago, it wouldn't start. "well, it looks cleaner. i hope it works now?" i said while i sit in the front seat. "i still have your madonna cd." he shows me the cd. "oh my god! i've been looking for it since at least 2 years!"

"and you give me all of you"

"well, it looks cleaner. i hope it works now?" "no worry about that, you and the baby are safe with me." it's weird being in the car with her. it brings back so many memories. like the time we decided to do a road trip to kansas city. it took us about 10 hours. and since she didn't have her licence back then, i drove the whole time. i didn't mind, i love driving. we sang, we listened to music, we talked, we laughed. we stopped at some fast foods, it was a great time. two years ago to be exact. "oh my god! i've been looking for it since at least 2 years!" exactly. "yeah, well remember our road trip to kansas city?" i ask, hoping she does remember. cause that was one of our best memories together.

"and you give me all of you"

it feels good being with him. it strange to feel that in less than two months, we're gonna have a little girl. i will be a mom. i can't believe it. it's a good feeling. "no worry about that, you and the baby are safe with me." i smile, he's so gentle. i say nothing, i just smile to him. "yeah, well remember our road trip to kansas city?" kansas city. we spend a whole weekend. we had so much fun. it was simple. things have changed. "of course i remember. i still watch our pictures, remember that beard you had? and i had pink hair. oh god. i'll never forget that trip. we were so wild and free. in love."

"and you give me all of you"

i still remember like it was yesterday. it was a monday. she was working, i had a 5 days holiday. i decided i wanted to take her out. but not just on a date. we deserved an adventure. plus, she always said she wanted to go to kansas someday. so when i told her to call sick for some days, she agreed. it was kind of a early birthday gift for her. to show her how much i cared for her. "of course i remember. i still watch our pictures, remember that beard you had? and i had pink hair. oh god. i'll never forget that trip. we were so wild and free. in love." i hadn't think about my beard. it was ugly. like hell. but she still loved me. saying that we "were" in love, i feel weird. cause we still love each other, don't we? "yeah, it was a great time. maybe when the baby wil be older, we could go back?"

"and you give me all of you"

i know i should not think about the past, and focus in the present, the future. cause i can't go back. cause now that we're here, together, trying to make it work, it's a good thing. we have a future together, no matter what. we're going to be parents. "yeah, it was a great time. maybe when the baby wil be older, we could go back?" he says. it's a good idea, but i don't see when we're going to go. maybe in a year or so.. "it's a good idea. to show her how much her parents loved each other."

"and you give me all of you"

still driving, i know the way, by heart. the restaurant is a little place where my friend works. she's the one who suggested me to invite her there. she said she'd be working today. she also said the place was perfect for it. "it's a good idea. to show her how much her parents loved each other." i don't know what she means by that. i don't stay a thing. for now. then, when the light turns red, i stop and turn my head to her. "we still do, polly, don't we?"

"and you give me all of you"

i feel like i said too much. you know when you say a stupid thing but you can't take back? he stays silent. the car stops, cause the light turned red. he looks at me and says : "we still do, polly, don't we?" he's looking at me. right in the eyes. of course we do. but it's complicated right now. "we do. of course we do, lloyd. you have no idea how much i love you. but i'm scared."

"and you give me all of you"

the light is still red, i feel it's gonna turn green soon. but we've been denying this subject for too long. i want to know. i have to know, actually. what are we? "we do. of course we do, lloyd. you have no idea how much i love you. but i'm scared." i hear a sound behind the car. damn, the light is green. "i know. i'm scared too." i don't say anything for the next minute. we finally arrive at the restaurant. "we're here." i say as i turn in the parking. we go out of the car, i open the door of the restaurant for her. the lady (who isn't Missy) shows us a table. we sit. in silence. again. when the girl leaves, i decide it's time to talk. "we have to think about what to do. next. for her."